I Was Here

My life... My DNA, the things that define me and who I am but yet I have no idea who I am. I wish I was Beyoncé, I know it's random but I was here... I want everyone to know I was here, if I died would my so called friend remember I was here? Would my parents know I was here? So in a sense I do want to be Beyoncé, I am sure everyone WILL know she was definitely here. I guess you can call me invisible, to the world... It's sad for a 16 year old girl like me to Feel this way, but I do. I would never say I hate my life because I know life is precious but I just wish it was better. They say life beginnings at 40 but I believe my life began once I took my first breath.

As a little girl growing up with an African mother and an Asian father it was hard, people looked at us different. "Us" being my older brother, Zac, He was only 3years older than me. He was always the bright, brilliant, trouble maker. He was the child that got kick out of 2Kidagardens, 3 High Schools and 2 colleges. The only thing stopping my father from beating his ass is the fact that Zac is hard working and brilliant in every subject. Zac was always a leader never a follower. As for me, from the age of two, I suffered from my first every asthma attract, so I also was calm and quiet, never having a voice of my own. It was always what my mother says. Unlike Zac I only had two friends growing up, Lisa, she lived right next door to us. Our families became so close she was bound to end up being my best friend. J'adore is my other friend, we became friend through our mothers, and her mother s Nigeria like mine, so they have the same morals.

Behind closed doors I was exactly the same; quite. No one even knew I was there. Non-existent to my parents, the only time they would look for me is if they can't hear me. I had asthma so I was always snoring as I inhaled. Don't get me wrong I know my parents love me, but they was always working.
My mother was Superwoman! Why you ask? Because she is a Nigerian woman married to an Asian man that beats her. Yes I said it her man handles her. For no reason. If she makes his food wrong he would hit her. My father has the shortest temper and the tiniest patience in the history of man. My mother used to tell us stories of how they met. "When I met him he was so sweet, he would show me so much love. But when we moved in together he changed, he would beat me every day. But I never left because I always thought it was MY fault. The one day I wanted to leave was the same day I found out I was pregnant with Zac. I told him I was not going to have a baby out of wedlock so we go married" I would never EVER call my mother weak. I would never say my parents are in love because people who are in love would never have this kind of relationship.
My Father is a smart man he owns 3 different companies, I can say my family is very well off. I am his little princess. I always try to stay on his good side because; I don't want to end up like momma. As I got older the beatings minimised to hardly any.

Now that I am 18, people say I have changed; I am no longer shy, quiet and calm. I have more friends. Everyone knows me, but yet I feel invisible to this earth. I think my brother made me popular. I am the ugly sister of Zac Ngo, of course everyone knows me.
I say I have more 'friends' right? Well in a sense I do, J'adore and Lisa are still my friend but we only talk in school because there is a big drift between Lisa and I as we are not in any classes together and no longer live next door to each other because my Father found a bigger house for the four of us. It made no sense, to have 3spare rooms. As for J'adore we stopped talking in freshman year of high school all the way till junior year because we had no classes together and she was under a bad influence. But now I am we are besties again.
I have three other friends that I can say are not fake. Tao, she is Asian, I called her my sister, I go to her if I am having boy troubles. Karenna (Reenie) is my Indian/black friend; she is a real ass chick! Never did me wrong. She is there to tell me what's up.
Last but not lest Cece. She is more J’adore’s friend but in the last couple of years she has been there for me.

Now that I have introduce you to the little bit I know about the people who surround me. I need… I don't know... A life perhaps.


I want to say I lived each day until I die!

I woke up to day will a smile on face. I don't know why. But it was the first in a while. I got ready for my first day of school as Senior. First day. Last Year. I woke up too early so I made pancakes for everyone. It wasn't until 7:55am everyone started coming downstairs. "Hmmm it smells good in here." my brother said surprised because he knows I can't cook.
"Thanks!" I saw my mother drinks water as my brother take a plate. "Mum you’re not eating?"
"No, it fasting and prayer this month." My smile turned upside. "I will see you around 6."
"Ok.." I said I a hush tone as she left. I give my father her food and got ready to leave the house.
"Mia I will take you." Zac said. "Really, Gee thanks." I was happy because whenever I was in the car with Zac he would just speed to our destination and blast out Wiz Khalifa and Nicki Minaj and as I proud STAN of Nicki Minaj I was always happy to start my morning with her.
I've been in this school for 4years and no one knows the real me, not even my friends; that only know tiny chunks of my life. My Head Teachers that I see every day and say good morning to every morning doesn't even know my name or what year I'm in. This morning will be different. This year will be different! I promise you that! I am here! I slam the door to my brothers Range Rover. I walk straight to the girls toilet and reapplied my lip stick. I looked in the mirror. "I am Beautiful" I figured if I say it to myself every morning I will start to believe it.
"Nicki!!" Once I heard my annoying yet funny Nickname being called. I jumped as I turned my head from my reflection to the pink door.
"Cece" I ran to hug her, i pulled back and took in he new figure and look. She was slimmed than before summer and she had gotten a new weave.
"Hey Mia"
"Cece do you know how slim you look and your hair!!! Major Hot Points."
"I know Spain was crazy! I saw all those little skinny white girls and I was like fuck it! By the end of summer imma be a size 8 and be great."
"Well you definitely look Hot!"
"Thanks Mama."That pink dance slammed open once again. "Hey!" My short Asian sister walked through.
"Tao!!! How was Vietnam?"
"Beautiful..." Reenie and J'adore both walked through, we all exchanged greetings and hug. The school bell rang, telling us that we need to make our way to home room. As I strut down the hall with my four friends and all the boys looking at them, I know no one was watching me. Xavier called my name. So I told my girls I will meet them in call.
"Yes?"
"Mia, I missed you this summer." Um… he did? Wow
"Uh yeah I was busy every day this summer with my internship for Marie Claire." I only have God to thank for that job. I was still in shock that I got the internership because to be honest I am not that smart.
"Oh… well I tried calling you but…"
"Hun I changed my number. Let me give you my new one." i took his blackberry and typed my number in, then handed it back. "Okay I got to go… to class."
"Can I get a hug?" He asked.
"Sure…"
I hugged him for what felt like 5minutes, while he whispered in my ear. "Don't let go" repeatedly.
Once I disconnected from his gentle touch I walked away.

Ok Xavier is a boy... obviously, but he is a boy that I have liked for years. We have so much history; I did things I didn’t even know I was capable of. However this summer I decide to focus on me and get over him. It worked, he was no longer on my mind 24/7. Up until that moment we he hugged me. You want to know why I need to forget about Xavier? Because his best friend, Cameron who is also my brother from another mother told me he is in love with Reenie. So my life pretty much sucks. Did I mention I have never had a boyfriend before? Unpretty!

Lunchtime came.. And I am still unknown. No one will know I was here.
Home time came and my head teacher still does not know my name.
Maybe it’s because I'm not bad. Like Cece and J'adore! Or talented like Tao and Reenie! Maybe not being known is a good thing! Perhaps it's not my time now. I exhaled after a longer day of none stop talking to my four friends as one by one the got off the public bus and said they farewells. Tired as I was, close to sleep, 'Can Anybody Hear Me' blasted out from my phone. Xavier.
"Hey..." I said restlessly.
"Tired?" I could hear the smile in his voice.
"Very." My eye lids became heavy.
"Same... But I just wanted to hear your voice."
"Hmmm"
"Mia?"
"Yes?" I said as I struggled to press the stop button; that let the driver no I wanted to get off.
"Why do I get the feeling that you have been avoiding me?"
"Uh..." I bit my lip as I strolled down the stair of the bus.
"If you are... May I ask why?"
"I… umm have to go" I hung up because I was too tired for him. I’m tired of boys like him telling me shit I wanna hear. Sugar Coater! Then doing shit I don't want to see. Heartbreaker! I open the door with my key. Thankful my family wasn't home so I went to my room to sleep. Tomorrow is another day.

But is tomorrow really promised. I know nothing is forever. But I know a legacy is. Beyoncé's legacy will go on. She has meet so many memorable people. Done so many things. Maybe God is about to start my legacy. Maybe my legacy has already started. Maybe I am important to the ones who matter! I will be remembered! I WAS HERE! I AM HERE